The power and the why of changing your lifestyle

HOW AND WHY DO WE NEED CHANGE?

WHAT DO WE NEED TO DO TO START?

When I say change I mean the sort of change that makes us better.

I believe this change starts when we have decided that what we are doing now and who we are now is no longer good enough. What I am doing right now will not get me to the stage that I have dreamed of. It will not give me financial freedom it will not give me job satisfaction.

I want to go to bed at night and feel fulfilled and when I get up the next day I was to feel excited about what I can add to my life and to others. 

So how do you decide when enough is enough? 

Well are you completely happy right now, how many of you can say that I am right now, where I want to be?

We carry on the way we are because we believe that is the easy option, the easy option allows us to go to bed at night not satisfied, waking up not satisfied, doing our job not satisfied.

I decided the ‘easy option’ was no longer an option. If you were to ask anyone that has stepped out of that easy option comfort  zone and into a new way of life with constant self improvement and making a difference. They will say that was never an easy option looking back. When you have a plan with what you would like to achieve, life flows, reasons to be at your job are easier to find and when you go to bed you are satisfied and when you wake up you are satisfied.

So are you where you want to be?

 I know I am not, but I will work for the rest of my life towards reaching my goal and when I reach my goal I will set another one and work towards that.

I don’t think that I will reach a point of where I decide that I have done exactly what I want to do. I like to dream big

At 19 I ran my own business and I ran it for 2 years but I couldn’t see my future within my company because I had no direction and everything I dreamt of doing I was told that ‘probably won’t work’.  So in the end I decided to go back to employment, feeling like I had failed but also feeling like I had gained a lot of experience with some questions unanswered. 

So through employment on my next job I passed on the passion and experience and changed as much as I could. With my questions still unanswered.

So now I need to do something different I need to something where I am in control of how I feel and how I can create betterness in my life and others.

I asked myself what are my skills and what where does my passion exist, so that’s business and the people within it.

I wanted to be working hard at working clever instead of being clever and working hard. So how does someone that has a passion in business and also wants to work hard at working clever.

I wanted to be able to give something back to people that I interact with. So for me the natural fit was coaching on business and personal performance, aimed at people that really want to make a difference in their lives and are committed to this kind of change. My passion for coaching will rub off on anyone who comes to me, so far I have 100% success rate and that is to the credit of the passion from the clients I coach.

I want to make you ask the question what am I passionate about what do I want to achieve with my life what do I desire.

So what do we do with our vision and is it realistic?

This is a passage from an interview done on the founder of IBM

IBM is what it is today for three special reasons. The first reason is that, at the very beginning, I had a very clear picture of what the company would look like when it was finally done. You might say I had a model in my mind of what it would look like when the dream – my vision – was in place.

The second reason was that once I had that picture, I then asked myself how a company which looked like that would have to act. I then created a picture of how IBM would act when it was finally done.

The third reason IBM has been so successful was that once I had a picture of how IBM would look like when the dream was in place and how such a company would have to act, I then realized that, unless we began to act that way from the very beginning, we would never get there.

In other words, I realized that for IBM to become a great company it would have to act like a great company long before it ever became one.

From the very outset, IBM was fashioned after the template of my vision. And each and every day we attempted to model the company after that template. At the end of each day, we asked ourselves how well we did, and discovered the disparity between where we were and where we had committed ourselves to be, and, at the start of the following day, set out to make up for the difference.

Every day at IBM was a day devoted to business development, not doing business.

We didn’t do business at IBM, we built one.

So what we can learn from one of the most successful people in business and in history is that to start with the end in mind. Stephen Covey talks about starting with the end in mind in his book ‘the seven habits of highly successful people’ If we start with our vision our perceived future we can work our way backwards.

VISION
This is where we see our future the things we can picture to make us happy where we will feel content with our lives, satisfied and fulfilled.
GOALS
These are the things we put in place to make sure we achieve our vision, our perceived future. The things we can work towards to say that we have achieved that gets us that one bit closer to our vision.
STRATERGY
This is how we are going to achieve our goal, these are the standards we set our self by, how we carry ourselves towards our goals. What we need to do and how.
ACTION PLAN
This is the every step part. The every step I take is towards the vision. We must make sure at this stage that we do not lose focus that we are following the strategy towards our goals. We must remain in constant sight of our vision the reason why we are doing what we do never loosing focus.

I have met people that have said are you really going to achieve what you want. Is what your doing a waste of time. What happens if you do not become successful?
I know what I think when I hear these comments and I am sure you can come up with your own answers. And it all depends on your mind set.
I read a quote.

“It is not given to us to know what difference we can make, and perhaps we can make no difference at all. But that is no reason not to make the attempt"

It sums up for me the message I want to get across to all the disbelievers out there. If I fail I fail but I will be much further than you will ever be in my mind and in my heart because I took the risk for a want for a better future for myself, my family (which is in my vision) and for every person I come in to contact with.
As JFK said ‘the only thing to fear is fear itself’.
I have no fear of taking that risk.

A great video from someone who could have took the easier road...

What I would like to finish with is empathy. Not everyone’s situation allows for a complete over haul of life, sometimes we have to put our family and friends first which is important. So allowing for everyone’s circumstances from the most tied down of people to the freest of people, 

If I was to ask you if you didn’t have to worry about sleeping, money or your own self-doubt, in an ideal world where would you be in a week? 

This time next week what would you like to achieve?

 Think about this right now or on your way home tonight or on your way to work tomorrow, whenever you like but please think about it because this will be your first step to making your life slightly better and if anyone in this room could say they wouldn’t like something in their life slightly better they are lying but they are lying to themselves.
So spend time on your vision on your life and making yourself happy and remember what Bob Dylan once said

‘A person is a success if they get up in the morning and gets to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do’

Seek first to understand, then to be understood

How much time do you spend trying to understand someone?

What are the benefits of taking the time to understand someone?

How can it affect your life?

How can it affect your ability to sell?

How much time do you spend trying to understand someone?

If we were all to answer honestly, we would probably say, well not that much. We are prone to when talking to someone, thinking of how this may affect us, what advice can I offer or I think they are saying… We base our conversations subconsciously on assumptions. We can sometimes assume the other person and where they are coming from, make a judgement and carry the conversation from there. This is where awkward silences come from or someone not understanding what you were saying. We all know how frustrating that can be when someone explains what you have just said but getting it totally wrong and making a point that has no relevance. Frustrating? Definitely! 

How is that true about you, have you ever done it? Has anyone ever said, "Oh, I know just how you feel. I felt the same way." "I had that same thing happen to me." "Let me tell you what I did in a similar situation."

Because you so often listen autobiographically, you tend to respond in one of four ways: 

Evaluating:	You judge and then either agree or disagree.
Probing:	You ask questions from your own frame of reference.
Advising:	You give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
Interpreting:	You analyse others' motives and behaviours based on your own experiences.

What can we do about this then…

What are the benefits of taking the time to understand someone?

Would you like to be understood, what would it mean for someone to truly listen to you? Don’t underestimate the power of someone really listening to you, or you really listening to someone else.

We often listen on 3 different levels; I will use a restaurant analogy, for example;

Listening level 1

A couple on a first date get a table for two near the kitchen, the man starts thinking as he has booked this restaurant, is this the best place to be seated? What if the smells from the kitchen affect our evening? Is it going to be noisy? He starts thinking of the things that affect him and what might spoil the atmosphere. 

Listening level 2

After a while the man settles down and realises his fears of what may be disruptive, isn’t that bad. So he starts to talk to his date across the table and whilst she is speaking, he is thinking, ‘what can I say that will impress her?’ What can I now say that is interesting? She is obviously talking about, for example, how much her mother means to her. After some awkward silences and some misunderstandings the man has to change his tactics and start listening instead of hearing what she is saying.

Listening level 3

So when she is talking he mentally removes himself from the conversation and listens objectively to her language, body language and the way she is talking. He notices now not everything she is saying is matching her body language and the way in which she is explaining it. So now he listens without thinking about what difference he can make. So when talking about how much her mother means to her, he says, tell me more. Using the same words she uses and reflects back to her what she has said, the more they fall into this conversation about her mother, this gives her a greater quality of attention and may feel for the first time she is truly being listend to. The man is now showing more interest the woman is falling into a moment that does not come around too often.

We have all been given this time, when you think back, how did you feel? I bet you didn’t notice what was going on around you, focusing on nothing but what you are talking about. Do you think that with that sort of attention the man will get a second date?

How can it affect your life?

The more time you spend understanding someone else, the more influence you can have with that person, you can build rapport and power (please note this power is only used for integrity and honesty, treat it callously and your influence will disappear instantly). Rapport and Influence is a by-product of understanding someone first, then being understood.  Think of someone you have great rapport with and ask yourself whether they are likely to take your advice? Would they be likely to help you should you need it? You bet they would. Understanding someone first gives you a great chance to create rapport, then once the rapport is built, influence soon follows and then power. People are more likely to listen to you and in return help you and offer advice should you require it, you will be understood.

Would this have a positive or negative affect on your life?

How can it affect your ability to sell?

Sell yourself in a job.

Sell your product or service.

Sell your point.

It doesn’t matter how you look at the word ‘sell’ you can apply it any circumstance. 

You have to start by creating a need in the other person, so, how do you create a need?

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

What is it that is missing in the other person’s life or environment? What would you like to change? If you were to change one thing what would it be? – And then listen.

If you sell your position first, then your audience (1+ people) would less likely be able to connect with what you are saying. They may be thinking, ‘well that doesn’t apply to me, then what they are saying does not apply to me’. This can be a reaction that is done subconsciously or consciously but whichever way they react it is not in your interest. Think of when you have thought like that, I bet you have. So then we have to create the need, or realise the need as the case may be.

So you say that you have not got enough time in the day to do the things you want to do, what would having more time mean to you? Listen. So you say you would like more time to spend with your children, how important is that to you? Listen.  If you were to have an extra hour a day what would that mean? Listen. If I could offer you something that would save that sort of time, how much would that mean to you and your family? Listen.

 

You can use this type of questioning on any statement they give you, because it isn’t the statement that carries the power it is your question, listen and then repeat technique.

Build rapport, Influence and Power. 

Please follow me bellow, and if you believe that coaching will help you please contact me. My blog doesn’t even touch the surface of what caching can do.

 

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What If Money was no issue?

If you didn’t have to worry about money, sleep or people’s feelings, what would you do, where would you be?

This is a question I ask all of my clients. It gives you a chance to take a step back from yourself and think objectively about your situation. So

Are you, where you want to be?

Please think about this for a moment. Although I am aware that the temptation is to read on, but…

Are you where you want to be?

Fantastic if you are, please share your story below.

Most people answer with, ‘well, no, because…’ So if I could ask you again, 

If you didn’t have to worry about money, sleep or people’s feelings, what would you do, where would you be?

In my job I ask a lot of questions, in fact, that is really all I ask. This question gets to the route of your dream and I work with the client to turn it to a Goal, make it a reality, which you can achieve if you want it enough.

I had a client, when we first met, we were going to be working on making his business more efficient, and so, I asked him the question…

If you didn’t have to worry about money, sleep or people’s feelings, what would you do, where would you be?

He didn’t want to work towards the business he came to me to talk about, instead he wanted to run a different business, one he had always dreamed of. Would it make the client happy – Yes. Would it be difficult to achieve – Yes. Did the client want it enough – Yes. Once we got talking things fell into place and within just over a year he will be running his undoubtedly successful new business which he has always wanted. He believed in change and has taken the steps to make sure this works for him.

I had another client who I asked the question…

If you didn’t have to worry about money, sleep or people’s feelings, what would you do, where would you be?

Once we established and in this case he knew his Goal, but, how does the client make it happen now, so I asked the question with a difference…

If you didn’t have to worry about money, sleep or people’s feelings, what would you do, where would you be in a week?

I can’t express enough how powerful this question is. Whether you are making a small change or a complete overhaul of your life, please ask the question.

I believe in change in people.

 I know there is a saying, ‘People don’t change’.

Yes they do, because we as human beings can, it is whether we choose to or not. We live in a culture where it is ‘easier’ to carry on living in the same way, but what if we set the bar of survival at a different level. The thing is, it is important to make the change and step outside of our comfort zone. It’s possible, even if it is a small step at a time. What would you really be sacrificing to make you happy – It’s a great question – what would you really be sacrificing to make you happy? That sacrifice is giving up something you perceive to love for doing something you love. Weird right? Although it makes sense, because of the weight we give to the seemingly unimportant things in life, it puts more pressure on us to take that first step.

We have a choice; we are born with the ability to choose. 

I have seen people make this choice, I have made it myself. I have sacrificed what I thought would make me happy to be truly happy with what I do. 

I also see people make a different sacrifice by working 40 – 60+ hours in a job they are not happy in, because they are looking forward to their retirement or their holiday. I have also heard people dying as soon as they retire. What are we working towards, a perceived future of happiness? Love the things you do now, love the people in your life. Find out why you are working in a direction you are not happy with and ask yourself if you can change it? Does it make sense to you to carry on?

‘A person is a success if they get up in the morning and gets to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do’ – Bob Dylan

I make myself better every day, I wrote a mission statement, a commitment to myself and to the people I interact with. Read it, and make your commitment, share it, set it in stone and believe in it. You will know what true happiness is and what you are willing to sacrifice ‘perceived happiness’ for. 

The things you would like to work towards has to fit with you, sometimes our commitments to family and friends has to be put first before our own. So when I talk of making a change, it has to be what fits for you and your lifestyle.

Please watch this video, I was shown it by one of my clients. I thank him for this video he is another reason to believe in working towards happiness.

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Dont Hide Your Business, Show Your Business to the World!

So, you have a Business Idea and a plan of how it is going to work.

Is it in your head or on Paper?

Does it matter?

Let’s have a look…

Where to start, whether it’s in your head or on paper.

First you need to start with yourself.

What are you great at?

Is there anything that your business is going to be doing that you do not feel comfortable with yet? What are your reasons for the business? Is it your choice?

Where would you like your business to go?

If you are starting on your own, are you planning on growing it to more than yourself, if so, how are you going to work towards this sort of growth?

As I am assure you are aware once you are completely involved with your fantastic business it will be very difficult to take a step back and make the change, without it being at the cost of your valuable time, customers or productivity.  This is why a plan becomes important.

From the very start these 3 things are imperative…

• The Mission Statement

• Business Model

• Business Plan

This Blog is not about how you write a Business Plan. It is the importance and the difference of one.

Paper vs. Head

Think of something you do every day, for example, cleaning your teeth. Imagine doing it yesterday and now imagine the next time you do it? What’s the difference? How are you feeling whilst doing it yesterday and how are you feeling doing it next time? I am going to take a guess here and say it is a reflection on how you are feeling now.

You are creating images in your mind reflecting on your state now. These are not always true.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where they said ‘well that’s not how it happened’? You believe you are right and they believe they are. Who is? You both are because you are remembering and that is not fact. 

“Did… happen or did I dream it” – Sound familiar?

Paper does not change depending on your state, morning or night, memory or dream. It is a firm place to measure it form and you cannot change it to make you feel better, which, as I am sure you are aware that is only a small satisfaction.

In your head…

Fantastic start, you have a plan of some sort.

Having a plan in your head is great; it is fluid, flexible and always adapting to your ever changing environment. (You will be surprised how many businesses have never even come to thinking about a plan)

Should I put it on paper?

Well you probably didn’t think it was necessary or relevant. If you know it, who else needs to?

Isn’t it just for the bank?

You have made it this far right?

All the above makes a lot of sense and has its place. But let me ask you a few more questions…

Does everyone in your business know of your plan?

Are you all heading in the same direction?

Are you making enough money?

What are you measuring your performance against?

The fantastic part about having your plan written down is that you have something visible to measure it against. You get an exact feel for where you are now to where you want to be.

The Business plan needs to be as fluid and as flexible as your business. Never let your plan be all facts and figures if it is, will you connect with it? Definitely not, it is not truly yours.

Let your values be part of your mission statement and your business model.

Start your plan on paper from here – but do it from a moment of passion, when you have a moment of thinking about all the great things you want to do with your business. YOUR PLAN WILL FLOW!

On Paper

Great start, and what does it show?

When was the last time you saw it?

Is it based on research or on what you would like it to do?

Is it fully developed or did you get bored?

Was it just for the bank?

This is great that you have it on paper and you have taken the time to write it down. When you look at it, is it feeling like your business? A business that you can really connect with?

A plan is showing you what you would love your business to do and what you need to do to get there.

Your business is great and it is yours, it is your lifestyle, your vehicle you have chosen to get you to where you want to go.

There are absolutely no conditions that should be on you or your business. You should never feel uncomfortable. It is different from you, but it is a reflection of yourself.

The trick is to pull it together.

Your potential success + your product or service + your place in the market = your inevitable success.

There is a lot to do to put a great plan together and there is no exact way. So do it your way!

YOUR BUSINESS IS GREAT, SHOW YOURSELF, SHOW THE WORLD!

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